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Joke of the Day

"I was shopping with my wife the other day and saw a TV on sale for $20... It said that the volume was stuck on full. I looked at my wife and said ""I can't turn this one down!"""

"What is a psychic medium? ...smaller than a psychic large."

"When fish play football who is the captain ? The team's kipper !"

"Why aren't Mexicans ever indecisive? Because if they're on the fence too long they get caught."

"Aristotle: We are what we repeatedly do. Plato: Well then I guess I'm YOUR MOM! -high fives Socrates-"

"What do you call an impatient skin infection? *Rash*"

"My friend can talk about auto-erotic asphyxiation til he's blue in the face."

"What do you call an exercise group run by Jesus Christ? Crossfit."

"Want a pudding pop? I don't give a fuck if you want it or not. Stop crying. You're gonna take this motherfucking pudding pop."

"In Hell, someone is constantly vacuuming while you're trying to explain directions to an old man."