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Joke of the Day

"Why aren't Mexicans ever indecisive? Because if they're on the fence too long they get caught."

"My wife yelled, ""This is the LAST TIME I'm going to tell you to take out the trash"", and I thought, thank goodness THAT is finally over."

"Yo mama so poor [21st Century Update] she still has her daddy genitals"

"How about a Home Alone movie where Macaulay Culkin is the dad and he leaves his kids at home because that's all he knows?"

"Her: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! Me: *puts naked Barbie away. 'It's not VooDoo if that's what you think! Her:Freak! Me:Did you feel--anything?"

"I used to have a friend who practiced acupuncture."

"I like my coffee like I like my women... No Penis"

"I want to be rich enough to tell the Chipotle cashier, ""Guacamole is NO OBJECT!"""

"Me: *gazes into his eyes* Him: *sweats* M *winks* H: I'm kinda uncomfortable M: But this is love H: It's my job to fill liquor orders, ma'am"

"What was John Lennons final hit? The pavement"