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Joke of the Day

"Not silicone A woman got wooden breast implants. This would be so much funnier with a punchline, wooden tit?"

"An idea for a board game... BONOPOLY - Similar to Monopoly, but where the streets have no name."

"I'm giving up spellcheck for Lant"

"When those Subway ""$5 Footlong"" commercials come on, every man is quietly calculating how much his penis is worth."

"I just seen a prius try his time on a quarter mile at the drag strip. Ill update when hes done."

"Why didn't Johnny Depp get an Oscar nod for Black Mass? The nominee pool was Whitey-nough already"

"I entered 10 puns into a pun contest in the hope that one would win... But no pun-in-ten did."

"Q: How did the Germans conquer Poland so fast? A: They marched in backwards and the Polish thought they were leaving."

"I just bought some presents for my epileptic girlfriend's birthday Just a few small gifts, nothing too flashy."

"I can accomplish great things if I apply myself... At least that's what a high school guidance counselor with a shit job and a bottle of whiskey in his desk told me once."