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Joke of the Day

"Thank you for calling. To speak with a human being, please hang up and travel back to the early 1990's."

"Birthdays are good for you.... The more you have, the longer you live."

"What is a depressed German with Celiac disease unlikely to have tomorrow? A Gluten Morgan"

"What's the easiest way to tell if somebody's lying? He/she's not sitting or standing!"

"How do you sink a norwegian submarine? You knock on the door. How do you sink the same sub again? You knock on the door and they'll come out saying ""Haha! We're not falling for that one again!""."

"I had a beautiful pearl of wisdom to tweet but I dropped it on the ground and one of my dogs ate it. I should have it back in 12 hours or so"

"- do u like green eggs & ham? - i do not like them, sam i am - but why? - animal agriculture leads to global warming sam read a goddamn book"

"What came first the chicken or the egg? Neither. The rooster came first."

"What do you have in December that you don't have in any other month ? The letter ""D"" !"

"What does Rob Schneider say when he visits Canada? Yukon do it!"