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Joke of the Day

"I just seen a prius try his time on a quarter mile at the drag strip. Ill update when hes done."

"What did the french fry say to the police officer? Help me! I've been a-salted!"

"I have someone I want you meet - how is she? - she full - ehh... - of love - great! - to food - ..."

"Cinderella What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? Gagged!"

"My Grandfather has the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the zoo."

"Note from angry neighbor (above) and appropriate Army vet response (below)"

"That's the last time I follow some dude into the woods just because he tells me he's a wizard."

"What would happen if Donald Trump was about to be assassinated? Secret Service would shout ""Donald, Duck!"""

"I opened the door and said ""Honey, I'm home..."", she didn't reply She just stood still in the glass jar."

"I like the pink cans of mace because looking adorable while preventing rape is very important to me."