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Joke of the Day

"My wife and I have lost over 150lbs combined!!! ...hustling British casinos wasn't as easy as we'd hoped."

"Why are mimes such good rapists? The D is silent. <i just thought of this! be gentle with me>"

"I got fired today from my summer job as a massage therapist My boss said I rubbed people the wrong way"

"When's the best time of day to start a diet? 4:00 For:Klock"

"I am as a wake as a funeral."

"The four states of matter: Solid Liquid Gas Black"

"TIL How to Time Travel And man do I miss Reddit."

"Screamed in horror as I woke to find two severed horse heads in my bed, but then laughed remembering I hadn't removed the one from yesterday"

"Why are promise rings 1/10th the price of engagement rings? They only work 10% of the time."

"[Opens hand sanitiser] SUbmiT YoUr SOuL tO EternAL HeLL fiRe [closes lid] wtf? [looks at label] LINDA YOU BOUGHT HAND SATANISER AGAIN"