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Joke of the Day

"Screamed in horror as I woke to find two severed horse heads in my bed, but then laughed remembering I hadn't removed the one from yesterday"

"It's not a real relationship until you secretly start to hate each other."

"Why is leather so good for sneaking around in? Because leather is made of hide."

"What do a walrus and a ziploc bag have in common? They both like a tight seal."

"I bought a guide on the internet on how to be a thief 3 months ago I Haven't received it yet.."

"My brother lost his eyesight in a motorboating accident. Her nipples were pierced."

"Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected."

"Heard my ex tell one of his friends I was a stalker. Almost made me mad enough to come out of his closet and give him a piece of my mind."

"Sorry I called you a drunk, but in my defense, I didn't think you'd remember."

"Your mother is like a brick Flat on both sides and laid by mexicans"