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Joke of the Day

"Why would Helen Keller be a horrible driver? Because she's dead."

"Where does a dog get a new tail? At the Retail Store"

"The first judge ever was like ""When I'm done talking I'll pound my desk with a hammer"" and we were all ""Ok that's not insane"""

"Overheard @ high school's red & white football game Clueless freshman: ""So, who are we playing?"" Crowd: ""It's intrasquad!"" Pregnant pause. Clueless freshman: ""So we're still going to lose!"""

"Man from Nantucket There once was a man from Nantucket, with a dick so long he could suck it. As he wiped off his chin he said with a grin, if my ear was a cunt I would fuck it."

"Has anyone else's world ended yet? Mayan hasn't."

"I asked 100 women which shampoo they preferred? . . . . . The top ans was . . . . . GET the hell outta of my bathroom!"

"Beyonce didn't almost fall everyone else just messed up"

"Hey, Cap'n Crunch. You've been a captain since 1963. Dude, I don't think admiral is happening for you."

"How do you know when Santa's in the room? You can sense his presents."