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Joke of the Day

"I always carry a small bottle of Tabasco when I fly. You never know when you're going to crash in the Alps & have to live by eating people."

"There's no I in anxiety. Wait. Yes there is. Oh my god oh my god oh my god"

"What's E.T. short for? He's only got small legs."

"Sorry, I can't go. My uncle's cousin's sister in law's best friend's insurance agent's roommate's pet goldfish died. Maybe next time? :)"

"i work in the elevator business. It has it's ups and downs."

"Women's history isn't a month.... It's only 28 days.... Period."

"What do you call a masturbating cow? Beef Stroganoff"

"What do you call a Muslim Flying an airplane A pilot"

"If someone stands you up and doesn't call, stay positive. They could be dead."

"Why do stoners spend so much money? because they're high rollers"