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Joke of the Day

"If I were to remove my intestines and lay them out, they'd reach all the way to my ex-wife's house. SEE, DEBORAH? I'M A MESS WITHOUT YOU!"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Carrie ! Carrie who ? Carrie a torch !"

"How do you say brassiere in German? Keepemfromfloppin"

"He thought I wore a size two. A size two?! I started laughing so hard, I spit out the donut I was eating."

"I want to apologize to the person who followed me at 2:21am and unfollowed me by 6:45am. It was a wild ride, and I will miss you."

"What kind of bees give milk? boobies"

"smoking I use to smoke, I'll probably never say that I quit but I do stop for intermittent periods. I, like most people, call this lapse in my habit a ""relationship""."

"i don't think i can go back to a white president"

"Bradley Cooper looks like a guy who's playing a ""famous actor"" in a made-for-TV movie."

"The world's finest super spy at work: an interview"