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Joke of the Day

"[ultrasound] Dr: your baby is 7mm in length Me [whispering to wife]: ask him Wife [sighs]: what is that in fruit sizes?"

"What does Acetone and Hitler have in common? They're both Polish removers!"

"they should stop calling it the ""Make-A-Wish Foundation"" and start calling it the ""No.... Make-Another-Wish Foundation"""

"What I say: Get dressed Brush teeth Get in the car What my kids hear: Have a snack Shriek like monkeys Open 3 umbrellas indoors Go poop"

"What do you call a plane with a muslim on it? Death row"

"Sorry you stood next to me at the urinal in sandals, bro. What did we learn?"

"What did J. Robert Oppenheimer say after inventing the weedwhacker? ""I am become death, destroyer of weeds."""

"Two guys stole a calendar and divided it equally, but they got caught. They each got six months."

"Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, ""Bang!"""

"I'm German and Jewish. I hate myself"