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Joke of the Day

"What I say: Get dressed Brush teeth Get in the car What my kids hear: Have a snack Shriek like monkeys Open 3 umbrellas indoors Go poop"

"Eating a box of Thin Mints doesn't make you thin. Apparently."

"When the imaginary zebras start sawing off your legs, it's time to lay off the hard stuff."

"Many people say they have ADD because they can't focus on their homework. It pisses me off. See, I really have ADD, and"

"What did Dave Grohl say when he dropped his Greek sandwich? There goes my gyro"

"What video game does hitler play? Mein craft"

"I told my therapist that I was hearing voices. He told me I didn't have a therapist."

"You'd be surprised at all the discounts you get when you come in swinging a sword!"

"No one understood my joke about the virus outbreak... I guess you had to be there to get it."

"So I was at a book store the other day and I saw a Vietnamese cookbook... It was called ""How to Wok Your Dog""."