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Joke of the Day

"Nothing says ""I'm an American"" more than ordering a pizza online and tweeting about it and then hating soccer."

"Please, by all means, call my landline. I'll reply with a postcard attached to a helium balloon"

"So I heard that back in the day Hammurabi was actually Jewish... yea, they actually called him Hammurabbi. ^badum ^tsssssss ^^^please ^^^^don't ^^^^^hurt ^^^^^^me"

"Don't get me started on trigonometry... I'll go on a tangent."

"Remember busy signals? Crazy times."

"Now I'm not saying you're old... but if you were milk I'd smell you before pouring you on my cereal."

"[meets a cute girl from Scotland] ""Ummm hi your people make fantastic tape"""

"5 guys walk into a bar You'd think atleast one of them would have seen it."

"Pendanticness test Look in the comment section for your results."

"I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific."