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Joke of the Day

"Why do gods eat swiss cheese? Because its holy"

"What did Michael Phelps say after the Mens 200m? I would've gotten second if it weren't for you medaling kids."

"An Owl and a Squirrel are sitting in a tree watching a farmer mow the lawn.... ...The Owl says nothing because Owls can't talk, the Owl then eats the Squirrel because it's a bird of prey."

"My dad just lost his leg in a motorcycle accident Now his feet only smell half as bad."

"Lance Armstrong got emotional during his Oprah interview, but numerous sources are reporting that he used performance enhancing onions."

"This election cycle makes me want to find a bar really badly... Do any 21st amendment people know where I can get a drink around here?"

"When clowns first attacked these shores nobody took it seriously. It's just one boat, how many could there be, they said."

"My relationship status is like that other missing sock, I'm all alone and eventually end up getting trashed"

"Why was the woman so attached to her Dr. Scholl's gel insert? [OC] It was her sole comfort."

"What's the difference between a feminist and a gun? A gun only has one trigger."