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Joke of the Day

"Ops mom Wait... shit."

"I was raised by my grandfather clock because my biological clock was never there."

"[Donald Duck opens gift] Daisy: It's pants. Try them on! Donald: [stands] STOP TRYING TO CHANGE ME WOMAN"

"Fear is not the same is respect. For instance I fear bears but integrity wise they are huge pieces of shit"

"I don't think so, people who are thinking so."

"Me at 20: I'm smarter than everyone in the world Me at 28: I am so smart for going to the cheaper gas station"

"adam sandler's wife is madam sandler"

"I was going to have a wank at the Vatican while I was there on vacation. But I thought about it and it has probably been done before and I would hate to be seen as the second coming."

"What did the Pacific Ocean say to the Atlantic Ocean ? Nothing they just waved!!! Sea what I did there!!! If you laughed hit that like button, come on don't be a beach Thank you thank you "

"Mozart took a young wife, as was common in the day. After a very brief first night together, he felt inspired to write a song. He called it Minute in A Minor."