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Joke of the Day

"What kind of country do we live in when an artist like Sia won't take advantage of the freedom to change her last name to Lateralligator?"

"I went to the doctor and he gave me 2 months to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 30 years."

"The flag in the moon is fading into an all white flag Future generations will believe the French were there."

"Sorry for the absence, my tweeties. My hubs and kids cooked their own dinner, and I've been unfreezing hell with a blowtorch ever since."

"""What would you say is your biggest flaw?"" ""i step in in people's conversations"" ""i was asking *him*"""

"I like when videogames limit how many things you can hold. ""You have 100 items in an invisible bag. Carrying another would be unrealistic"""

"Why don't black people go on cruises? They're not going to fall for that one again."

"My 1-year-old stabbed a stuffed animal with a broken plastic spoon. She learned to fight in prison."

"Pink Fluff... What's pink and fluffy? Pink Fluff What's Blue and Fluffy? Pink Fluff holding it's breath. (My niece told me this)"

"Why doesn't ISIS attack Israel? Same reason children don't attack their parents..."