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Joke of the Day

"TEENS: You might find yourself ""embarrassed"" by certain things your body is doing, when in fact, you should be ashamed."

"A man wanted me to engage in necrophilia... NSFW I told him to drop dead"

"Broke up with my Japanese girlfriend today. I had to drop the bomb twice before she got a hint."

"There's no 5 second rule at my house. The dog is much quicker than that."

"Never give a Roman a high five. Or he'll give you a HIV."

"My stalker twisted his ankle, so now I have to walk slower for 2-3 weeks."

"[proctologist's office] ME: *unzipping pants nervously* PROCTOLOGIST: You're nervous, that's normal, but please zip my pants back up."

"I'm against plastic surgery, but it's also horrifying what people are supposed to really look like."

"I just took a part time job at a vitamin store... for some supplemental income."

"When my wife and I have a disagreement, I always have the last word... usually it's, ""Yes Dear"""