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Joke of the Day

"Yo mama so ugly for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone!"

"""pew, pew, pew!"" -me, pointing out seating options in a church"

"I went to the zoo, and the only animal they had was a dog it was a shih tzu."

"My doctor put me on a strict vegan diet, but every Monday I'm allowed a cheat day So I nip out and fuck his wife."

"guy who wrote the Folgers jingle never got woken up with a blowjob."

"If I had a nickel for every gender... I'd have ten cents and a dead meme"

"how to perform artificial insemination in mexico about 10 guys jack off onto the floor, and then they let the flies do the rest."

"I told my mom I got in trouble at school today for a PDA.... She said, ""For what? Kissing your teacher's ass?"""

"What are the three rules of being a plumber? Hot on left; cold on right. Shit runs downhill. Never, ever, put your tools in your mouth."

"The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse."