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Joke of the Day

"I couldn't tell if I brushed my teeth with tooth paste or shamoo last night I hope it was the former, not the lather."

"Spoiler alert: The company that's paying for the commercial always wins the taste test."

"What do you get if you cross a plum with a man eating monster? A purple people eater."

"Why was the Dragonborn arrested in the Whiterun bakery? Dough fucking."

"I want to die the same way I was born. Naked, screaming, and covered in blood."

"I feel there's still hope for this world every time my computer's spellcheck doesn't recognize Kardashian."

"The worst part of forgetting a woman's name... Is when you can't quite come up with it, but she's right on the tip of your tongue."

"The worst is when you wake up hung over and you didn't even drink the night before."

"What's worse than a fish in the SS? *Adolf*in. Man, I did *Nazi* that coming."

"Slow down in those corduroy pants. You'll ignite a bush fire."