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Joke of the Day

"By the way it was me who set those sheep free to roam around the courtroom during your divorce hearing. In case ewe were wandering."

"It is impossible to simultaneously keep up a) hope and b) with the Kardashians."

"I recently came into a very large sum of money so they fired me from my job at the bank."

"What do you call an Arab riding a camel with a goat on a leash? Bisexual."

"If we put pictures of lost kids on beer cans instead of milk cartons, we'd find them in about 15 minutes."

"Why Does Jesus suck at hockey? He's always getting nailed to the boards."

"Date - ""so...are you going to be doing that for the whole date?"" [i can't hear her over my tuba]"

"A subtle joke A cannibal passes his friend in the woods."

"Will I ever be a good parent? *shakes baby* Wait a minute, if you're here [cut to Magic 8-Ball in crib]"

"What do you call it when an immigrant and a pedophile get into a fight? Alien Vs. Predator"