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Joke of the Day

"By the way it was me who set those sheep free to roam around the courtroom during your divorce hearing. In case ewe were wandering."

"Taking viagra for my sunburn. Doesn't cure it but it keeps the sheets off of my legs at night!"

"What is the most dishonest fish in the ocean? A lionfish"

"What did the thirsty weatherman say to his intern? I need my thermos, stat!"

"There is no better karate instructor than a spider web in your face."

"You can't leave the aquarium with a penguin. It's a stuffed animal I got in the gift shop. Ma'am, it's moving. I GOT IT IN THE GIFT SHOP!"

"This club sucks & tell the DJ to lighten up on the Enigma. SON, YOU PASSED OUT. THIS IS A CATHEDRAL"

"What do star wars and the U.K. have in common? They both abandoned the EU"

"Calm down mechanic guy. Just here for an oil change. If I wanted to know about all the other shit wrong with my car I'd turn the radio down."

"I can take two pieces of rope eat them wait an hour then shit them out tied together.... I shit you knot... ha shit you knot"