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Joke of the Day
"What's black, has bite marks and isn't needed any more? Philip Hoffman's belt."
Next Joke
"FLIGHT ATTENDANT: would you like me to throw that away for you? RACCOON: *clutching banana peel* this is my carry on thank you very much"
"I like my coffee like I like my women... Hot, mocha, and overpriced. Prostitutes. I like prostitutes."
"What do a walrus and a tupperware container have in common? They both like a tight seal."
"Why don't lawyers have sex with their clients? To prevent double billing."
"first you light 100 candles, then you fall asleep. this 'burn your house down' spell works every time"
"Whats E.T.'s first name? Yodela"
"RIP boiling water You will be mist"
"What does Pingu say when he feels suicidal? Noose Noose"
"The #AshleyMadisonHack is getting out of hand. Site just revealed that I've been cheating on my diet. I'm not even sure how they'd know that"