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Joke of the Day

"[interview] ""What's your strongest trait?"" My fingers. ""No, like... Are you pinching me??"" GIVE ME [fighting to maintain pinch] THE JOB"

"*secret agent slaps me* I'll never give you answers *he grabs my throat* ""WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA"" *spits* I'd rather die"

"Most of the jokes posted here are like gay muslims Beaten to death."

"Remember that time I made that funny joke? Me neither."

"Women love it when you emit three high pitched squawks, inflate your expandable throat pouch, and then dart back and forth between trees."

"What kind of elephants live in Antartica ? Cold ones !"

"What's white, but has a black asshole? The Whitehouse."

"I introduced my girlfriend to my family the other day. My wife was so mad."

"a murder of crows, a pride of lions, a virgin of gamers"

"I was wondering why I wasn't picking up any chicks recently, but then I realized my Monster energy sticker fell off my car"