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Joke of the Day

"*secret agent slaps me* I'll never give you answers *he grabs my throat* ""WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA"" *spits* I'd rather die"

"My brother said his wife is ""like a plunger"" when she gets drunk. She likes to bring up old shit. Hahahaha"

"I hope that your text abbreviations become so short that you can soon send me nothing."

"What does a widow say when she wakes up? Mourning"

"We found love in a hopeless place We found Steve in a frozen place We found Stark in an iron case We found Hulk in some gamma rays We found Thor punching Lokis face"

"My brother David had his ID stolen Now he's just Dav"

"What do you call two lesbians in a canoe? Fur traders"

"Sometimes you wish you could just fast forward time just to see if in the end it's all worth it,.."

"Willie Nelson died today.. Yeah he was playing on the road again.."

"What do you call a bear that is missing all of its teeth?? A Gummy Bear!"