35203

Joke of the Day

"I could be way funnier with like, 143 characters to work with."

"Why didn't Napoleon qualify for the urgent marrow transplant? They couldn't get his bonepart"

"What did Emma Sulkowicz get for her birthday? I don't know but I'll tell you what she didn't get. Raped"

"During the security announcement on the plane, they asked us to ""place all loose objects in the overhead compartment"" So I picked up my friend and put her in the overhead compartment."

"It's because it's Bring Your Daughter To Work Day, sweetie. That's why. What Papa is doing right now is called an ""autopsy"". Stop crying."

"I didn't spend 8 years designing this hotel so I could listen to a bunch of touristy complaints about the small cameras inside the toilets."

"Billy and his dad. Billy's dad walks into his room and says ""Billy, if you don't stop masturbating you're going to go blind."" To which Billy replies, ""Hey Dad, I'm over here!"""

"In space, no one can hear you scream. In cyberspace, no one can shut you up."

"Companies should use chromosomes in advertising Because sex cells."

"I also painted my computer black, hoping it would run faster. But the police choked it to death, and ruled it justified."