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Joke of the Day

"A programmer was found dead in the shower this morning ... Next to him was found a shampoo bottle marked 'Lather, Rinse, Repeat'."

"Like a midget at a urinal.... I'm going to have to stay on my toes. Credit: Naked Gun"

"Kids here's a tip. Next Christmas leave Santa marijuana cookies and watch how happy your parents magically become the next morning"

"Good women are found in every corner of the earth. Unfortunately earth is round."

"My girlfriend told me to stop pretending to be a flamingo I had to put my foot down"

"Date: So... Tinder, huh? Me: Yup. Date: ... Me: This is kind of awkward. Date: Maybe we should've used real pictures. Me: You think so, MOM?"

"To get to the other side Why did the time traveler cross the road?"

"Why don't quantum physicists have sex? When they find the position, they don't have the momentum. When they have the momentum, they can't find the position."

"My girlfriend refused to make a porno with me.. saying there are enough vine stars already"

"*being pulled away by security from flamingo pen at the zoo with a handful of pink feathers and a black eye* HE STARTED IT"