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Joke of the Day

"The child in me says ""Eat candy for breakfast!"" but the adult in me says ""You're an adult! You can do whatever the fuck you want! Do it!"""

"What is ET short for? Because he has short legs"

"Why can't blondes make Kool Aid? Because they can't figure out how to get eight cups of water into that tiny little package."

"Hey, man. You used no capital letters and only one exclamation point to wish me happy birthday on Facebook. Is everything okay at home?"

"I invented papaya flavored cream cheese. I call it ""Pap Schmear""."

"It's raining men because the aliens are returning the abductees in the most compelling way possible."

"What were Marco Rubio's first words? ""Hello, World!"""

"Wanna hear a joke? I get no karma for this. :("

"What do bees and celebrities have in common? They're both dying at an alarming rate."

"What does Nixon's Head use to thicken up etouffee? A roooooooux!"