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Joke of the Day

"It's raining men because the aliens are returning the abductees in the most compelling way possible."

"Did you hear about the Italian chef with a terminal illness? He pastaway."

"A funnier shorter vampire joke What did the vampire say to the woman teacher? Bla...bla..see you next period."

"""Don't worry, I'll hold your stuff. You just worry about making friends."" - Cargo Pants"

"If an apple a day keeps the doctor away what does an onion do? Keeps everyone away."

"Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open."

"Today and Tomorrow are in bed... Today is smoking a cigarette and looks over at Tomorrow who is sulking and says, ""I'm sorry you never come."""

"[First Date] ME: I prepared some questions to get to know you HER: Ok! ME: What's the capital of Honduras? HER: um... ME:[writing] bad at geo-"

"What do you call a hipster with a vasectomy? A Fixie."

"Why can't anyone tell my dads fat? Cause he grew up in Pawtucket."