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Joke of the Day
"I invented papaya flavored cream cheese. I call it ""Pap Schmear""."
Next Joke
"Does anyone actually know the secret to good click-bait titles?"
"Walked into the bathroom and it sounded like someone was powerlifting in one of the stalls. That, or an exorcism."
"I sweat less when I wear sunglasses ... Because I feel cooler"
"I just got a photo from a speeding camera through the mail... I just got a photo from a speeding camera through the mail. I sent it right back way too expensive and really bad quality."
"Why is it ""romantic"" when Aladdin sings A Whole New World while flying on a carpet but ""pathetic"" when I sing it while laying on a bath mat?"
"WAITER: Room for dessert? [flashback to the room at home that hides all my desserts] ME: [nervous laugh] Haha I don't have one of those."
"If I ever get a Roomba, I'm gonna be totally irresponsible and just throw crumbs on the floor for fun."
"It's cute the way they make the Oreos bag resealable like I'm not going to eat them all."
"Why do Catholics drink? ...because they're filled with the Holy Spirit"