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Joke of the Day

"If you see me out somewhere and act like you didn't, you should know that I ignored you first."

"How do you know your girlfriend is too young for you? You have to make airplane noises to put your dick in her mouth"

"How did Jesus stay in such good shape? Cross fit."

"Carefully choosing my grocery check out line based on the back of who's head I want to beam hate into for the next 15 minutes."

"Did you hear about the guy who's been pickpocketing midget charity workers? How could someone stoop so low?"

"The girl in the car next to me is totally checking me out. I think she likes me. After I'm done picking my nose, I'm gonna smile and wave."

"For every chick that's crying about no good guys out there...there's a dude she's ignoring that's good to her."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? Because there was too much pride on his side."

"Why do cows like being told jokes ? Because they like being amoosed !"

"A man walks into a bar With a piece of asfalt in his hand, goes to the bartender and says ""Ill take 2 beers, one for me and one for the road"""