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Joke of the Day

"You know you spend way too much time on Twitter when your wife asks what you're doing online and ""porn"" is a better answer."

"How do you power a fleshlight? With sexual batteries!"

"There sure are a lot of hot Canadian chicks on Twitter....if I knew Canadian, I would totally hit on them."

"Chopped beef and pea soup What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup? Everyone can chop beef, but not everyone can pea soup!"

"Q: When should you charge a battery? A: When you can't pay cash."

"I want to apologize to the person who followed me at 2:21am and unfollowed me by 6:45am. It was a wild ride, and I will miss you."

"Ever wondered why written jokes about mailmen are generally unfunny? They are all about delivery."

"What do a redneck divorce and a burning meth lab have in common? Someone's losing a trailer."

"How many country stars does it take to change a light bulb? Six-1 to change the bulb and 5 to sing about how much they miss the old one."

"I've discovered the best way to punish 17, is to put on the same outfit as her, then follow her around all day yelling out ""TWINSIES!"""