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Joke of the Day

"Dentist: have you been flossing? [ flashback to me picking steak out of my teeth with a potato chip earlier ] Me: yes"

"/r/LatvianJokes, you are Subreddit of the Day! Congratulations! Is only joke. Is actually secret police."

"Good news: I finally had sex with my wife last night! Bad news: I spent the entire 60secs wondering how I was going to tweet it to you guy"

"You can tell A LOT about a Woman's mood just by looking at her hands... ...for example...If she's holding a gun? She's probably pissed."

"I'm not worried about Muslim suicide bombers They can only do it once. Those Hindu suicide bombers are the real threat."

"I was in Australia once and I saw someone play Stairway to Heaven on the didgeridoo. I said ""That's Aboriginal."""

"An Olympic Gymnast walks into a bar. He gets a two point penalty and ruins his life-long ambition of becoming an Olympic medalist."

"A person followed me and then unfollowed me within 3 minutes. How can they judge me after only seeing 47 tweets?"

"How many clickbait articles does it take to change a lightbulb? The answer may shock you."

"* on a date snuggling * Me: Did you enjoy dinner? Her: Yeah, but now I feel fat. Me: Get your hands off my belly."