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Joke of the Day

"What do you like, mom? Son: Mom why is my cousin named Jasmine? Mom: Because your aunt likes flowers. Son: Mom what do you love? Mom: Dick, stop asking so many questions."

"*gazing at the ocean* God: I told you NOT to leave the water on while we were on vacation. Angel: I'm sorr- God: SORRY DOESN'T FIX THIS MESS"

"Wife: How many beers did you have while I was gone? Me: Two. 4-year-old: It was nine. Teaching her to count was a mistake."

"Did I ever tell you about the time I went to the doctor to get my blood type when I was super depressed? He said B Positive"

"I suspect the number 200 sometimes impersonates the word ZOO."

"Why Do Tigers Have Stripes? Because They Don't Want To Be Spotted"

"I talk a lot of shit for a girl with a blankie."

"My subconscious wants Thai food but my inner goddess wants pizza."

"What's the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player? A hockey player showers after three periods."

"I was going to tell you guys more jokes about the Titanic passengers but I think they've gone overboard"