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Joke of the Day

"Happy 'Ask a goat what month it is month'. Today is the special day when jokes get mystic powers of expression for certain class of words."

"My chemistry blew up Oxidants happen...."

"What was Carl Sagan really trying to say about the brain? In Soviet Russia, consciousness regulates the cerebral cortex."

"I scream, you scream- Fine, I'll put down the flare gun and let the hostages go."

"What's the integral of 2x with the limits from 10 to 13? A good time ;)"

"Remember: tomorrow is TOPLESS TUESDAY no matter what human resources tells you."

"ME: bartender. another. BARTENDER: but you just- ME: *slams fist on bar* ANOTHER [bartender reluctantly hands me another moist towelette]"

"Why do Welsh farmers .... Why do Welsh farmers tend to have sex with sheep on the edge of a cliff? So the sheep will push back"

"""Hello, Time Warner? I need to speak with someone about setting up local Gotham cable in a secret prison. Yes, I'll hold."" - Bane"

"[comes home from store] Wife: [shaking her head] Let me guess... earmuffs were on sale? Me: [wearing 17 pairs of earmuffs] WHAT?"