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Joke of the Day

"[comes home from store] Wife: [shaking her head] Let me guess... earmuffs were on sale? Me: [wearing 17 pairs of earmuffs] WHAT?"

"No matter what sexual role play idea my wife decides on, I always have to play the same character... The husband that's out of town."

"Why do burgers laugh when you surround them with pickles? Who knows - maybe they're picklish!"

"So a termite walks into a bar... And he sits down and says, ""Hey, is the bar tender here?"""

"I was worried about the population problem But then I realized we just shouldn't give a fuck."

"What's the opposite of running away and getting married? Anteloping."

"Why is the letter 'c' afraid of the rest of the alphabet? Because all the other letters are not c's. *** ^^*ba ^^dum ^^tss*"

"What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snow balls."

"What kind of glass do they put up in restaurant windows to make people want to eat more? Hunger panes."

"I quit smoking cold turkey. I now let it sit at room temperature for 30 minutes first."