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Joke of the Day

"no idea! I told my boyfriend that my mom is old so she needs to speak slowly and loud. Then I told my mom my boyfriend is retarded. They have no idea!"

"""Oh my god I can't believe someone would pronounce my name exactly how it's spelled!!!"" - people with stupid names"

"Nokia But it's my Kia"

"I always leave the room when my son's imaginary friend comes to play. I've seen 'The Sixth Sense' and frankly, I'm not taking any chances."

"What does an insomniac, philosopher, atheist, dyslexic do at night? Lay awake, contemplating the existence of Dog."

"What would George Washington do if he were alive today? Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin"

"There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, hoping that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did."

"What do you call pigs in a demolition derby? Crashing boars."

"A termite walks into a bar... And says, ""is the bar tender here?"""

"What do you call the reasoning behind mexican murderers? Locomotives"