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Joke of the Day
"Nokia But it's my Kia"
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"What are a philosopher's favorite type of chips? Plato Nachos"
"Why would you wrap masking tape around a 3 day old baby? So it doesn't burst when you fuck it."
"Why do people call the deceased ""late""? They aren't late.. They aren't coming."
"Insert penis joke here. Ha."
"what's the difference between oral and anal sex? Good oral can make your whole day, good anal makes your hole weak."
"How many prostitutes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just one, but she charges me extra for weird stuff"
"God: Noah, I need an ark. Noah: Why don't you ask Joseph, the carpenter? God: Uh [huge grin] cos I'm banging his wife? [raises hand] up top?"
"Sometimes I think I have the worst job in the world... ... and then I remember there are people who work in PR for Comcast."
"The other day I tell my wife, ""when I look into the mirror I only see an old fat man, I need you to make me feel better about myself."" She says ""you have perfect eyesight."" - Norm MacDonald"