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Joke of the Day

"My wife gets really annoyed when I make sexual requests. The other night, I asked her if we could try the praying mantis' position and she tore my head off"

"My son asked if masturbating made you blind. Depends on where you're aiming."

"What type of cheese is strong? Shredded cheese."

"What's the simplest way to prevent rape? Consent."

"I can't wait until humans move to a new planet and someone says, 'Remember having 24-hour days?' and some jerk responds, 'First world problems.' -Geoffrey Asmus"

"If Santa is black... and he is called father Christmas, that explains why children can't see him."

"Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera? Just when it's getting interesting, they're finished until next time."

"I babysat for the first time and it was just non-stop screaming. Next time I'll look before I lie down on the couch."

"What is dog x dog? Puppy dog."

"What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter. He's not coming."