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Joke of the Day

"[date gets back from the bathroom] those batman toys in the tub are so cute! How old are your kids? ""kids?"""

"A priest walks into a bar.. He looks around and leaves disappointed. Everyone is over 18."

"me: I bet other husbands don't get put in timeout! wife: I bet they don't put their mother-in-law's phone number on a Craigslist ad either!"

"What's the difference between the United States and some yoghurt? After 200 years, the Yoghurt develops a culture."

"What do you do if your GF is having siezures in the bathtub? Throw in your laundry."

"What's the best way to pack a dead person in a cardboard box? Body centered cubic"

"I love going to the park and watch the kids run and scream But they don't know I'm just using blanks"

"Meanwhile India is just blown away that you can get Britain to leave by voting"

"My gran once had a bad stroke, so i screamed ""its not fucking good enough"" and pushed her into the bunker"

"What's the definition of a will? Come on, guys. The answer's a dead giveaway."