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Joke of the Day
"What's green and eats nuts? Syphilis. BTW. I know this is not a medially accurate joke"
Next Joke
"Children's laughter can be a wonderful thing Unless its 2AM and you don't have any kids."
"If I haven't said something mildly offensive today I'm sorry and I promise to try harder"
"When asked about hobbies, don't start lap dancing. #jobinterviewfail"
"Next time you're having a bad day just remember that alligators spend their whole lives looking like they're trying to do a push-up."
"If the opposite of ""pro"" is ""con""... What's the opposite of progress?"
"Are we sure that Oscar Pistorius was the only one involved in the murder of his girlfriend? Someone else may well have done the leg work."
"Next time somebody calls your home phone... Say ""Can I call you back? I'm driving."""
"Cats make the best boyfriends because they're soft, loyal, and won't claim they're straight but then turn gay after one lousy date, BRENT!"
"What do you call a nosy pepper? jalapeno business!"