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Joke of the Day

"Good thing it's Valentines day, cause I woke up with a massive heart on!"

"Who is this Rorschach guy and why does he have so many pictures of my parents fighting?"

"Normal people driving by a construction site: wonder what they're building... Me: what a great place to bury a body!"

"What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver? A golfer goes, Whack! Damn! And a skydiver go Damn! Whack!"

"i went to a wedding for two antennae The ceremony was pretty bad, but the reception was amazing"

"Have you ever gotten laid in a sleeping bag? It's horrible. You can't breathe, it's all sweaty, and your scoutmaster is covering your mouth."

"I have a problem with taking things literally. My attorney advises me that it's called 'theft'."

"Coworker: I don't even know what's wrong with me. *sighs Me: Oo Oooo pick me pick me I know *raises hand with answer"

"I hear China has abandoned it's one child policy, which is great news. I never could eat just the one"

"How to win the war on drugs... .1) Legalize all drugs. .2) Require that all drugs must be purchased through Comcast customer service."