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Joke of the Day

"Have you ever gotten laid in a sleeping bag? It's horrible. You can't breathe, it's all sweaty, and your scoutmaster is covering your mouth."

"What do dyslexic Koreans eat? Gods"

"Dear diary, although he was a malevolent killer, the headless horseman was really well dressed. My emotions about this are confusing."

"What soft drink did Hitler ban during WWII? Mountain Jew."

"I hate feeling bad about feeling good about feeling bad."

"I bought a Valentine's Day card for everyone at our local Tourettes Society. It's the thought that cunts!"

"Did you hear about the guy who pick pocketed a midget? How could he stoop so low?"

"A woman is pulled over for speeding Cop: May I ask you why were you speeding? Woman: That is not possible, I think that Russians hacked your speedometer"

"How do I take my coffee? Uh..Orally. Why? How do you take it? Freak."

"Me: If Obi-Wan's clothes remained after Vader killed him, then why wasn't ghost Obi-Wan naked? My date: [to waiter] Check, please."