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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a gay chickpea? A hummussexual."

"What do you call an Asian person that is hit by a car? Hood orient"

"Once you commit to the idea of a closed casket funeral it really takes a lot of pressure off how you live your life."

"It cost me $14,000 and took 3 years, but I finally pulled off legally changing my friend's baby's name without him knowing. I LOVE PRANKS!!!"

"Why are elements attracted to the Noble Gasses? Because they're *Noble!*"

"My local police stations toilet was stolen.... The cops have nothing to go on."

"Imagine if trees gave off Wi-Fi signals, we would be planting so many trees and we'd probably save the planet too. Too bad they only produce the oxygen we breath."

"How do you know that toothpaste was invented in Arkansas? Because if it were invented anywhere else, it'd be called teethpaste."

"Friend at work hit me with this. (Sorry if repost.) If a Stork brings white babies, and a Crow brings black babies. What brings no babies? The Swallow."

"M R Ducks Person 1: M R Ducks. Person 2: M R Not. Person 1: O S A R. C M Wangs? Person 2: L I B. M R Ducks! My grandmother told me this when I was 5ish. Don't know why it cracks me up."