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Joke of the Day

"How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb? 1..... Because they are very efficient, but not very funny. Courtesy of my brother /u/twinhawk"

"If I ever get a tummy tuck I'm going to ask the surgeon to make a little pocket below my navel so I'll always have a place for my iPod."

"I used to be a senile UPS worker Shit I messed up the delivery"

"I wouldn't last 5 minutes in prison what with my milky skin and Glee themed tattoos."

"Q: What's the difference between a mosquito and a fly? A: A mosquito can fly, but a fly can't mosquito."

"Super productive day, I took down all of my neighbor's outdoor Christmas decorations."

"There's something about curling... ... that rubs me the wrong way."

"Ahhhhh A man was taking a crap and the water splashed his butt and he yelled ahhh toilet monster and ran out in the middle of the road butt naked and got run over."

"[at bar] Gee, I'm so hungry I could eat a horse *nearby horse slams down his whisky* COME ON THEN TOUGH GUY *horse throws the 1st punch*"

"What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster who got breast implants? One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean."