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Joke of the Day

"What do skeletons order at restaurants? Spare ribs."

"It's like my golf instructor thinks I'm mature enough to handle him talking about balls, and how to properly grip the club."

"imagine treating the ask a swede hotline like a sex hotline... ""so, what are you wearing?"" ""sensible athletic wear, yah!"" ""ughhhhhhhh."""

"Husband: ""Waiter, my wife spilled her water"". Waiter: ""No problem, I'll get you another one"". Husband: ""Make sure the next one likes sports""."

"[murder scene] detective: ""she drown?"" cop: ""after a blow to the head"" d: ""what's he doing?"" me: [trying to draw chalk outline on river]"

"I hate when people leave their shit in the bathroom I don't know what's so good about the showers. The toilets are right next to them!"

"If Adele were a computer, what would she be? a computer."

"I was playing 'would you rather', and asked my girlfriend if she'd rather be a goat or a cow for the rest of her life. She asked me which one I'd rather fuck."

"GF (from 2nd floor window): either the trampoline goes or I go! ME: It ... was ... nice ... knowing ... you"

"Did you hear about the woman who gave birth in her 50's? You haven't? Oh, wait...that's right.... that's because they can't. (Menopause) Ha."