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Joke of the Day

"Gran's always up for a laugh, so for a bit of a practical joke, I put her walking stick out of her reach .. I just can't believe she fell for it."

"The best part of Pitbull is he yells out ""MR WORLDWIDE!,"" at the beginning of each of his songs, giving you ample time to change the station"

"You might be a hipster if... Friend: Did you see that <funny cat picture> on reddit's frontpage? Me: Naah, I don't subscribe to all the big, popular subreddits."

"Be careful of your thoughts, they may become words at any moment."

"96% of my life is spent trying to figure out when I can get my next nap in."

"The worst part about getting kidnapped would be when the news told everyone your real height and weight."

"Me: Have a taste of your own medicine *I force the pills the Dr. prescribed for me down his throat* Me: WHO HAS ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION NOW?!"

"There are only 2 kinds of Priest: There are the ones who masturbate and Liars."

"What was the last thing Robin Williams said to his wife? You go on to bed, I'm just going to hang here a while."

"Why did the cat join the Red Cross ? Because she wanted to be a first-aid kit !"