33260

Joke of the Day

"My pee tells me I'm probably dehydrated this morning which makes no sense at all because I'm pretty sure I drank enough last night."

"Maybe Hitler became evil because he was mad that after so many years of lifting his hand nobody high fived him."

"I like my women the way I like my wine... 15 years old and locked in my cellar on a rack."

"In the Super Mario Bros movie, instead of a gag reel, did they have... bloopers?"

"If pro is the opposite of con, what's the opposite of progress."

"Wife to her husband:""Why do you stand in the balcony every time I sing classical?"" The husband replies ""So that the neighbors don't think I'm fucking you forcibly"""

"My wife complains that I never open the car door for her, but when I do she's all, ""Stop it, you're driving too fast! We're on a bridge!"""

"What do you call a trip to Spain gone horribly wrong? A Spain in the ass."

"Whoever snuck the s in ""fast food"" is a clever little b@stard."

"Today i asked the hot girl at my gym what her New Year's resolution was. She said ""fuck you"". So i'm pretty excited about 2017."