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Joke of the Day

"I like jury duty because it's a fun reminder that one day my life could be in the hands of a guy wearing Velcro shoes."

"What has seven arms and sucks? Def Leppard"

"People always say don't go to the grocery store when you're hungry. But I haven't eaten for a week and I'm getting really, really hungry."

"[Ouija board] Spirits are you there? U R C U T E D O Y O U H A V E K I K *flips board*"

"If you stare in a mirror long enough and start screaming, you'll see angry faces of figures dressed in orange. *only works at Home Depot"

"Fact: A good beer will not lose its label after sitting in a cooler of ice water all week. Related: Why is there still beer in the cooler??"

"Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime; teach a man to catfish and he can trick some perv in Omaha into sending him rent money."

"Yo momma Is so ugly, she has masturbate with a bag over her head."

"INTERVIEWER: Would you like a donut? ME: *takes three* I: Um, ok, what's your greatest strength? ME: [grabbing two more donuts] Self-control"

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