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Joke of the Day

"Q: What did the lightbulb say to its mother? A: I wuv you watts and watts."

"Why is Santa always so jolly? He knows where the naughty girls live."

"""IS ANYONE HERE A DOCTOR?!?"" I screamed on the plane. 3 men shot up. ""Ok, now are any of you single? I need a sugar daddy. I do butt stuff."""

"What's the difference between 9/11 and your birth? One was planned."

"[break room] coworker: what's for lunch? me: [eating] food, generally cw: no, I mean what are you having? me: an unwanted conversation"

"Did you hear about the kid who died in the school freezer? Apparently he was ""too cool for school""."

"Every time I have sex with my girlfriend I put a dollar in a jar. On Valentine's Day I use what I saved to buy a gift for her."

"Why do emo kids always have the latest technologies?"

"You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back."

"I'm not afraid of death, so much as I am of dying! I wanna die how my father died, peacefully in his sleep, not like his screaming terrified passengers! *Gotham, Mondays on Fox*"