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Joke of the Day

"TIL Doctors have successfully grafted eye lids on a patient using foreskin. The surgery went well, but now she's a little cock eyed."

"Ted Cruz announced he is running for president as a Republican. That surprised me; I thought he was running as a joke."

"They Say Never Judge A Man Until You Walk A Mile In His Shoes Because you'll then be a mile away and will also have his shoes"

"America is basically a free country... you'd just have to inherit 19 trillion dollars in debt"

"I really want to take my girlfriend out to dinner... ...But she asks way too much per hour."

"He: How are you? Me: Thanks, but I'm too old for you He: I was going to ask about your wireless prov... Me: Just keep telling yourself that"

"Slipped on a tube of toothpaste this morning. I was crestfallen."

"How do you call a Mexican who lost his car? Carlos."

"Sometimes I want to get married just so I can have something sad to tweet about."

"Why do they say all minorities look the same? Because once you've seen Juan, you've seen Jamaul."