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Joke of the Day

"Slipped on a tube of toothpaste this morning. I was crestfallen."

"Why don't orphans play baseball. Because they don't know where home is."

"*breathing becomes rapid and pulse starts racing* I...I've never felt...SO ALIVE! *holds up 11th nugget from 10 piece box, for all to see*"

"""I have 37 pairs of shoes, 23 purses, 9 pairs of sunglasses & an overflowing closet but how dare you waste $200 on that stupid toy!"" - Women"

"I like my women like I like my politics The more Bush the better"

"WHY *smack* DON'T *smack* YOU *smack* JUST *smack* USE *smack* THE *smack* RETWEET *smack* BUTTON?"

"What's the difference between a tuna, a piano and a gluestick? You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna."

"How many Grateful Dead Fans does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They just watch it burn out and follow it around for twenty years."

"What is common between a priest and acne? Both start cumming on your face when you turn 13."

"Zuckerberg's next aquisition will be twitter to complete his WTF trilogy."